Vive La Derriere!

When you get hungry you eat, when you get tired you sleep, when you get angsty you take a walk, when you get ____ you sit down by yourself and have a good cry. What is the word for that? When you just want to sob or cry and feel really sorry for yourself or whatever. I feel like having a good cry, but as luck would have it my tear ducts refuse to function. I have a nasty feeling theyre gonna kick in at some time when im in the middle of a lot of people i dont know, doing something random, maybe just sitting around. So far it hasn't happened. I wish it would; it's like being constipated, you talk funny, you screw up your face in funny ways, and you just feel like crap (no pun intended). Once it's over its cathartic, you feel much better, you think well it's not all so bad i suppose. Maybe if you haven't cried in a while you just want to do it for the heck of doing it, out of habit perhaps. It's like when you're walking down a street and you've just had an enormous meal and suddenly you get this irrepressible craving for a whopper. Completely unreasoned, you tell your brain its malfunctioning that you don't really need one, you'll probably throw up or gain ten pounds if you have do have one, but you just really, really want one. Same with wanting to have a good cry, I can't imagine anything terribly bad that's happened to bring it on, I know by the time I wipe away the wetness my fingers will come away streaked with watery mascara and when I look in the mirror I won't see just polite tears gracefully unwinding down my face but red corneas, racoon eyes and a weak mouth shaking in a rather ridiculous manner. I don't care, I just really, really want one.

it seems my fellow bloggers on this particular blog have lost all interest to blog, since they are now busy with their shitty lives. our lives are all, indeed, shitty. and as the words to the song go "this shit is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s"...i will not elaborate on bananas- it is one of the fruits i've grown indifferent to.

it's funny that the three of us are all on completely different corners of the earth now, all doing our respective best to keep up with our respective fields,with our own respective input, and our own respective output. i think the ability to be amusing comes with the company you keep. the sense of humour i once prided myself on has now gone totally "shahid". there. i never thought i would use that word in a piece of writing but right now it's totally describing everything. the amusing company i once kept is now buried in their own respective holes of political science (i'm very hungry so i'm going to sleep so i can have dinner tomorrow), guitar-playing and singing (ive found a jamacian place to be jamacian now..."hayzzzzZ") and economics (i'm bleeding myself but i've formed an even deeper attachment with myself).
yes, indeed, the company you keep accentuates your wit and eloquence. i miss the wit. the eloquence. and the narcissism. back to Botticelli.